So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize