Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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