i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
