Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
