JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
