hotel room ftw
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
