Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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