Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
