Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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