The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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