Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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