His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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