We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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