There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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