the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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