I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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