Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
