just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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