I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The air was thick with penises
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
