I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize