he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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