oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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