Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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