Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
