I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
