i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
