my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
