I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
