MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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