are you still at the devil's house?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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