shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
