I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
