He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
