i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
