Ambien. No doubt about it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize