Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
