And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
