there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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