For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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