Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
