I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
