sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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