She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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