I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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