Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize