He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
