bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
