We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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