I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
