Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
