i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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