he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
