I wish I only lived at night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
