Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
