i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize