Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
