I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
