the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
