Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
honey bunches of taint.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
