UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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