aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
