I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
