We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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