The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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