so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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