Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
