Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
