my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
