remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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