Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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