Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
