im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
