It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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