It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
