ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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