420 ftw
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
