News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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