Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
