your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
