Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
