He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
