If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
