She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
