I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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