Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im holly from the hills drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
